PIRANHA 3D: ***1/5 (3 and a half stars out of five)

I will let you know right now I am an unapologetic and huge fan of what can be called “Creature Features”, monster movies, or any movie where People are being hunted by Animals or creatures. I love movies like Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, Cloverfield, Eight Legged Freaks, Rogue, Lake Placid, The Alien movies, and many more movies along these lines. So it was no surprise to me that I loved Piranha 3D.

The movie opens with Richard Dreyfuss, (reprising his role from jaws) in a tiny boat on Lake Victoria, The fate of a person in the opening sequence of a horror movie is usually not very good. An Earthquake opens up an underground lake, causing a whirlpool and letting loose an ancient monster, or monsters in this case.

The Piranha’s aren’t actually Piranha’s there an ancient killing machine, that supposedly lived millions of years ago, but have been living off each other in this underground lake.

The Piranha’s slowly start killing people around the lake, while back on shore we meet our “hero” played by Steven R. McQueen (Vampire Diaries), who is the son of the town Sheriff (Elisabeth Shue, Oscar nominated for her role in Leaving Las Vegas). The movie is full of actors you’ll recognize like, Ving Rhames (Mission Impossible Movies, I now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry) Jerry O’Connell (Kangaroo Jack) Jessica Szohr (Gossip Girl) Christopher Lloyd (Back To The Future) Adam Scott (Step Brothers) Kelly Brook (Playboy Playmate) and even a small cameo from director Eli Roth.

I will tell you now, most people will not just find this movie “okay”. Most people will either HATE IT or LOVE IT.

I will give you topics that the movie deals heavily in , and if after reading them, you find you don’t like more of the topics than you like, then don’t see this movie.

1. Gore: The movie has amazingly terrible gore. I don’t know how else to explain it, but there are some scenes where you will want to cover your eyes, vomit, or Laugh at how insane it is. The Piranha’s are unleashed on a small beach town during spring break, and there is about a 20 minute attack scene with hundreds of young hot teens being ripped to shreds. The Piranha’s do anything they can to wreak havoc, and you see everything. You basically see the Piranhas chewing on just about every part of a human body. Sometimes the gore isn’t only created by the humans, there is a part where one scared shitless kid hops on a ski-doo and drives through the hordes of escapees in the water, hitting them until the propeller gets caught in a girls long ponytail. When I was a kid, I read in a book that a pack of piranhas can rip apart a cow in about 30 seconds, well now you pretty much get to see it, but with Humans in place of cows.

2. Nudity: I’ll letcha know now, there is a lot of nudity, there is not too much there not afraid to show. I even found myself thinking it was a little too much nudity (crazy, I know), I said too my friends “If I wanted to see this much nudity I would have stayed home and watched porn.” but what would a good horror movie be without boobs and butts. There is even a good, long, 3D scene of two women going at it underwater. Oh, we even get a 3D viewing of Jerry O’Connell’s Penis, but not in a way any one would want to see it.

3. Laughs: It’s not like it’s filled with comedy, but the sometimes the gore and horror is so over the top you have to laugh. Like when Ving Rhames goes at the fish with the propeller of his boat, or when a character starts calling Kelly brooks a stupid whore, while he is in the water (you gotta laugh there, because I have learned a character should not disrespect a woman in a horror movie, it never turns out good). The craziness of the gore is hilarious sometimes, and The scenes with Christopher Lloyd are funny, because you can’t tell if what he’s saying is meant to sound funny or not.

4: Great effects and 3D: this is the first movie I have seen that was shot in real D 3D, so the 3D is actually good. Things actually jump out at you and it is pretty cool. the effects of the piranhas are pretty good, and the Make up effects are great.

5: a little Bit of Cheesiness on top. oh yea, it’s pretty over the top.

so you make your decisions, if this movie sounds like something you would be interested in, and you like these types of movies. you’ll like this.

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